So what happens next?

I've been feeling very introspective the past couple weeks, and the spirit of self-analysis has gotten me to think about some other things too.  Namely, what the heck am I going to do when I graduate?

This is something I've been thinking about since I finished finals.  Since I became a second-year grad student.  Which is a really exciting thing, don't get me wrong, but I feel like there's a huge difference between being a first-year grad student and a second-year grad student.  You basically go from being a freshman to a senior in one fell swoop.  And that got me thinking ... what the heck am I going to be doing this time next year?

Because finishing up with grad school isn't like finishing up your undergrad.  When you get your Bachelor's, it's okay to move back in with your parents and take a little time in finding a job.  It's great to have a job lined up upon graduation, but it's not really a necessity.  Not so with grad school.  There's no grace period.  This time next year, I better have a full-time job (and it better be a good one at that, since I'll have all these lovely grad school loans to pay off).

Now, you're probably thinking that this is no big deal; that I've got plenty of time to worry about this later.  But I really don't.  Especially if I want to pursue a job with the government, since the government still has an archaically slow hiring process.  Particularly if I go to State, where I'll have to get a security clearance and all that.  Background checks can be so annoying.

So, naturally I've been thinking:  What am I going to do when I graduate?  I've got several options, and I'm not too worried about getting a good job.  I'm getting my MPA at a well-respected (and seriously overpriced) institution.  I'm getting really good grades.  I'm optimistic about what my future holds.  But the problem is, I don't know what I want my future to hold.

I've got two real options I'm weighing.  One:  Stay in DC upon graduation, get a job at State, USAID, or a really fantastic non-profit, and then proceed to save the world.  Two:  Move back to Atlanta.  And try to find a job that will enable me to at least do some good in the world.

Here are my issues.  I want to work in international relations, focusing on human rights issues or poverty alleviation (which, I would argue, is a human rights issue.  People have the right to have enough food and water to live ... but I digress).  The best place to do that is in DC.  Obviously.  I can make a real difference here.  And I love the city and everything it has to offer.  I love the fact that it will take me years to visit every museum and historically relevant location here.  I love the fact that this is the most educated city in the country — if I sit down next to someone at a bar, chances are they at least have their Master's, and there's a strong possibility they've got their Ph.D.  I love the fact that almost everyone in this city is remarkably driven.  I love that no one's married because they're too busy focusing on their career.  I love the fact that it actually snows here.  I love the friends I've made here.  And I love the fact that I could actually make a difference in people's lives if I stay here.

So it should be a no-brainer, right?  Wrong.

Then I start thinking about Atlanta.  It's probably not the best place for career opportunities, given my particular focus.  If I wanted to work in State and Local, then it would be fine.  But there aren't that many prospects for international relations in the good old ATL.  Still, Georgia has a lot of other things to offer.  My family is there.  My closest friends are there.  It's where I envision myself raising children and settling down for good.  It is, in a word, home.  And when I start to weigh these things, I wonder if it wouldn't just be wiser for me to move back there after school in order to settle down.

But that raises another question.  If I'm just going to move back to Atlanta when I graduate — forsaking the District's career opportunities — then what the heck have I been doing in school here?

And therein lies the dilemma.  What's more important to me?  Are my career goals and future hopes for a family mutually exclusive, or can I find a way to fit them together?

Sure, I'm young.  I'm only 25, so I could just plan on staying in DC for a few years and then moving back to Georgia once I've done some good.  But if I give myself, say, five years, I have a feeling I won't want to leave.  Particularly if I feel I'm making a tangible difference in the world.  I'll start to make a name for myself, and then — what?  Leave it behind?

Now, there are some other options that keep flitting around my head too.  One was the Foreign Service Exam, which if you pass, basically puts you on track to becoming a diplomat.  They place you at some exotic (at least in my mind) locale, and you just hop around the globe on assignment.  This is no longer an option for me.  Because a good number of the places they need people are — well, let's just call them undeveloped.  Think Somalia, the DRC, Mozambique.  Places that don't really have access to medical care.  I would NEVER pass the medical evaluation, and as such, cannot be a Foreign Service Officer.  Okay, I get that you're all really happy I can't go to Somalia, but will you at least feign some disappointment for me?  Thanks.

I can still work abroad if I want to.  The only difference is that I'll have to apply for jobs directly, and said jobs will have to be in developed nations that have good, quality healthcare.  I can do this through the UN, through State, or through non-profits like HRW or AI.  But still, the whole, "I can never be a Foreign Service Officer" was kind of disheartening.

So, these are all things I'm trying to figure out.  And then, of course, there's this crazy idea that I might go for my doctorate upon getting my MPA.  I'll usually entertain this idea for a day or so (today being one of those days) before pushing it aside.  Mainly because a Ph.D. would put me on track to become a professor or researcher, and I want to do something more hands-on.  I want to help form the policies that right the world's wrongs.  I want to come up with the solutions.  I don't want to teach undergrads about past solutions.  Still, how cool would it be to correct someone when they call me "Miss Boyle?"  "No," I'd say.  "That's Dr. Boyle."

But really, putting all egocentric fantasies aside — what the heck am I supposed to do?  What do I really want?  And what happens next?