For instance, I know that the terror alert level for air travel will always be at orange. It has been for years and will likely never change ... much like the general terror alert level, which remains at a perpetual state of yellow (why the difference?). I know how long it takes to get through security at Reagan, and I know I'll have to walk through that weird scanny thing that makes you look naked and checks for explosive residue if I fly out of Terminal A. I always fly in my Reefs (even during winter) because it's just so much faster when you're heading through the security line. Fine. I've got it. But there are still some things that I just don't understand.
1) The random passenger searches/screenings. Honestly, I haven't really noticed this anywhere besides Reagan, but what's up with the random searches as people are boarding the plane? I mean, they've already walked barefoot through a metal detector (sometimes one that makes you look naked and checks for explosive residue), had their bags x-rayed, had their personal IDs checked, and now they're just trying to get on the freaking airplane. But the TSA screeners randomly decide they want to pull some people away from the boarding ramp and do yet another search—of people's persons, belongings, and Lord knows what else. Why? Are they bored? Do they really think these people look suspicious? Do they think one person looks suspicious and decide they need to randomly check other passengers to make sure it doesn't look like they're profiling? Seriously, what's the purpose? In all my observations, I've never seen a single person get pulled off a flight. I just see people getting pissed off and slowed down.
2) What's up with the gate hoverers? You know who I'm talking about—the ones who just stand around the gate ready to sprint forward as soon as their zone is called. Why do they do this? Um, you're not going to not get on the plane if you're not the very first person to board when your zone number is called. This includes you, first class passengers. Seriously, you of all people really shouldn't be hovering by the gate. You know you're going to be the first ones to board, and you know you're going to get all settled and comfy before us lowly passengers are allowed to get onboard. Why must you stand there like someone's going to gank your seat if you're not crouched at the ready? Sit down! Relax!
The same goes for the rest of you passengers. You do not need to stand there in some sort of anxious semi-circle whilst waiting for your turn to board the plane. It really is quite simple. Sit down, read a paper, watch CNN ... do whatever it is that normal people do when they're sitting at the gate. Then just get up when the zone before yours is called ... you'll still have plenty of time to get to the front of the line when it's your turn. Trust me. Please, just sit down and stop worrying or I will be forced to slip you some xanax.
3) TSA and its overzealous searching. When I got home to Atlanta on Friday, I opened up my suitcase to discover that some pirates had gone pillaging through its contents. Or so it appeared. In reality, TSA had decided to randomly search my suitcase and had completely upturned and rearranged my stuff in the process. I mean, if you're gonna go through my belongings, can you at least try to refold them? You clearly had enough time to crack open the contents and examine my undies. You couldn't spare a few seconds to restore just a tiny bit of order up in there?
I have to say, this was the first time my suitcase was ever searched. But it was not the last. Nope ... when I arrived back in DC this morning, I opened my suitcase to discover—you guessed it—another card notifying me that my bag had been searched! Dude, what is up with this bag?!? Does something about it scream, "look at me, look at me, I have something illegal in here!," or are you TSA guys just trying to look busy because you're scared of losing your job in the recession? Either way, I'm getting sick of it. I've gotta give props to the screeners in ATL—they at least maintained some sort of order in my suitcase—but I'm kind of tired of having my stuff searched. I know that we don't really have any 4th amendment rights when it comes to air travel anymore, but I'm over it. My stuff is my stuff. How 'bout you keep your investigative fingers off it and leave my stuff alone.
I know all these measures are designed to make me safer—well, I think they're actually designed to provide the illusion of safety—but they're really not working. I am not more paranoid in the airport than when I'm outside on the street simply because the terror alert level is a different color based on where you're standing. I don't feel secure in the knowledge that no one has some sort of improvised explosive device simply because you make me take my shoes off as I walk through a metal detector. I really don't feel better because you're pulling random people aside as they try to board the plane or rummaging through their bags once they've been checked. Honestly, I just want to get on a plane and go from point A to point B without having to get Top Secret clearance first. Is that really too much to ask?
1 comment:
On #2, I am a hoover but more so that I can get bin space in the overhead compartment... once you have to check our bag once because stupid people bring too much crap onto the plane or refuse to put anything under the seat in front of them, you get anxious.
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